LIFE: Searching for a New Hero

Look! Up in the sky! It's a superhero! Superman was always my favorite comic book hero. Who could resist his ability to fly at supersonic speeds, or his super-human strength, or his vow to stand for "truth, justice, and the American Way?"

But real heroes don't fly and don't have super-human strength, and are often flawed and unsure of what they stand for. But they are heroic in their own way and in a way that is totally human. There aren't enough of them in this world today--even though the term hero is thrown around far too often.

One of the TV shows that my son, Mikey, watches sometimes is called "Higglytown Heroes." It's a cute show but it drives me nuts the way it uses the term hero. My wife and I joke about it all the time. I mean, the pizza delivery guy is a hero, a grocery store worker is a hero, all because they can help solve the challenge of that particular show. Now, I know it's a children's show and they aren't taking themselves very seriously, but it just makes me realize how few heroes we have and how difficult it is to see who they are.

When I was in college I used to say that the student who stood up to and blocked the tanks in China during the Tiananmen Square protests was my hero. He was risking his life for something he believed in. Did I know him personally? No. Did I know if he was really student? No. Could he have been a bad guy or unworthy of hero status? Sure. I didn't know anything else about him other than the fact that he was willing to stand in front of a death-machine that could end his life in a second all because he believed in freedom. That was a hero to me.

It's dangerous to go looking for heroes. Most athletes have proven themselves over and over as unworthy of the term (although the 1980 U.S. olympic hockey team came really close for me). Most politicians are far from heroes (but I have a soft spot for JFK, RFK, and FDR). And don't even get me started on most religious "leaders."

You could say that most of us are heroes just for waking up every day and facing our various challenges on a daily basis. Gotta pay that mortgage. Take care of those children. Face an illness. Help a loved one. It can be difficult to be a human on a day-to-day basis. Especially when you have great challenges in your life. But I'm not sure yet if it's heroic.

Why am I writing about heroes today? Honestly, not really sure. I'm just feeling like I need a hero. Like we need a hero. I feel so cheated that my parents' generation and their parents' generation seemed to have more heroic types in their lives. I wrote an editorial for one of my college newspapers back in 1988 about how disappointed and jealous I was that my parents and grandparents had politicians like FDR and JFK and my generation had to choose from George H.W. Bush and Dukakis. Now, it's a thousand times worse and I'm feeling even more jaded.

But it's not just political leaders that are lacking. Where are the Martin Luther King, Jr.'s and the great social leaders? Where is a leader for our times who can come forth and bring us all together to achieve great things? Where is that person who can step forth and utter words like "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country" and actually have people moved to action?

Why are our TV screens filled with images of the worst among us. Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, etc...I DON'T CARE!!! The TV news is filled with bad news and loud-mouth jerks who are poisoning our society. Why should you listen to Bill O'Reilly or Glen Beck? They are not worth your time and will not inspire any positive change for our society. And why should we look to the TV for any kind of inspiration or positivity anyway?

Nobody reads anymore. And I just don't mean blogs or magazines or newspapers. How about reading a book people?!? At least if you read fiction you might find some heroes there. But I prefer non-fiction and I prefer to read to gain knowledge so that maybe I can learn enough to see even more ideas of heroism.

Perhaps I'm ranting too much about this. Or perhaps there's not enough said or thought in this regard. All I know is that the world is in tragic shape right now and I don't see too many heroes on the horizon.

I've written about how Mikey is my personal hero for always being happy and facing his challenges every day. In my own tiny part of this world I am awed and honored to know someone as heroic as him. That got me thinking that maybe heroism is a collective and we have to combine millions of Mikeys all over the world to find our hero. If this is the case, I hope you have found YOUR Mikey and I'd love to hear about him.

MIKEY: The Twelve Days of Christmas Don't Hold a Candle to This

The number 12 comes up a lot this time of year. December is the 12th month and there's that old Christmas carol The Twelve Days of Christmas.

Well, the number 12 that's been on my mind these past few days has nothing to do with Christmas.

The other night, as Mikey's mommy and I watched in awe and with mouths agape, Mikey counted to 12. Unprompted. Uncoached. Perfectly.

Mikey's been pretty verbal lately and we've been so encouraged by even the slightest sounds coming from his mouth. He loves numbers and letters and when prompted he will usually repeat what we say and sometimes say the following letter or number after that.

But the other night was just amazing. When we do numbers with him we don't even go up to 12. So, not only did he count on his own, but he counted to a number that we had no idea that he knew.

Some of you are probably saying big deal. Well, I'll just say that I'm very happy that you have kids who don't have to struggle to communicate. But, for me, and I'm sure for Mikey's mommy, too, when I get down or overwhelmed I now close my eyes and hear "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve" in that adorable, precious voice and it makes me smile and forget my troubles.

So, on this Christmas Eve, I wish you a Merry Christmas and hope you'll think of a very special number 12.

SPORTS: Say It Aint So, Andy

"Say It Ain't So, Joe."

Say It Ain't So, Andy!!

"Shoeless" Joe Jackson was a great and beloved player for the Chicago
White Sox in the early part of the 20th century. Without going into
details (because there is still doubt about his role) Jackson was
kicked out of baseball for helping to fix the 1919 World Series in
which his White Sox lost to the Cincinnati Reds. A heartbroken and
disbelieving young fan shouted out "Say It Ain't So, Joe!" I've often
wondered if that fan ever forgave Jackson and if his love for the
game of baseball was tainted.

I've written before about my love of baseball (Take Me Out to the
Ballgame...Zzzz) and about having expectations of people (The Danger
of Great Expectations). Today I'm writing about something that,
unfortunately, combines the two.

The Mitchell Report dealing with steroids and performance-enhancing
drugs in Major League Baseball was released last week and with it a
list of names of players suspected of taking these substances. One of
these players, much to my extreme shock, was Andy Pettitte.

Pettitte has been one of my favorite baseball players for more than
10 years. Not only is he a great pitcher but he's a lefty pitcher
with a great pickoff move, which is what I was when I played ball.
And, many people have said we look a lot alike, which is kinda cool.
When Andy left the Yankees and signed with Houston, I forgave him and
rooted for him on the Astros. WIth the recent revelations, I'm
finding it a bit tougher to be forgiving.

According to an article in Newsday:

"Yankees left-hander Andy Pettitte yesterday admitted the Mitchell
Report's allegations are true - that he did use performance-enhancing
drugs.

Pettitte, in a statement released by agent Randy Hendricks, admitted
using human growth hormone (HGH) on two occasions but denied ever
having used steroids."

It's funny, but, I really don't know how to feel. Is this belief we
have that athletes shouldn't cheat a realistic concept to hang on to?
The history of baseball is full of corked bats, spitballs, and sign
stealing. But, for some reason, those things don't seem as offensive
as knowing that your favorite player took steroids or some other
questionable substance.

Players are paid to win. But I don't think that should be at any cost.

Players get hurt and are expected to play through pain and return
from injuries quickly. But I don't think that should be with the use
of illegal/questionable substances.

Here are some statements from Pettitte regarding the revelations:

"In 2002 I was injured. I had heard that human growth hormone could
promote faster healing for my elbow. I felt an obligation to get back
to my team as soon as possible. For this reason, and only this
reason, for two days I tried human growth hormone. Though it was not
against baseball rules, I was not comfortable with what I was doing,
so I stopped. This is it - two days out of my life; two days out of
my entire career, when I was injured and on the disabled list.

"If what I did was an error in judgment on my part, I apologize.

"I accept responsibility for those two days. Everything else written
or said about me knowingly using illegal drugs is nonsense, wrong and
hurtful. I have the utmost respect for baseball and have always tried
to live my life in a way that would be honorable. I wasn't looking
for an edge; I was looking to heal.

"If I have let down people that care about me, I am sorry, but I hope
that you will listen to me carefully and understand that two days of
perhaps bad judgment should not ruin a lifetime of hard work and
dedication. I have tried to do things the right way my entire life,
and, again, ask that you put those two days in the proper context.

A couple things that bother me about these statements: Pettitte said
that he was not comfortable with what he was doing...doesn't this
show that he knew from the beginning that what he was doing was
wrong? And then he says that if what he did was an error in judgment
he is sorry. You know it was an error in judgment, Andy.

Perhaps I'm taking this too seriously. I mean, after all, Mitchell
doesn't believe these players should be punished. I really don't get
that but I guess the Yankees agree since they just announced that
they re-signed Pettitte to a one-year $16-million deal.

I believe in second chances and in forgiveness and come baseball
season I'll most likely be wearing my number 46 shirt once again.
But, I think more than just "I'm sorry" and slaps on the wrist are
needed to fix this embarrassing time in baseball's history. We need
education about the dangers of steroids and other substances. We need
stricter penalties for those who break the rules. We need a return to
the core values of baseball. And we need all these sooner rather than
later.

I just want the game of baseball that I grew up with. I want to be
able to share that with Mikey as he gets older. I want to sit in
Yankee Stadium and go from player to player and quote their
stats...not what drugs they're taking.

Is that too much to ask?

OPINION: Opinions Are Like Smiles: Everyone Has One and They Should Be Shared Often

My posts on Daddy Dan Blog, so far, have all been relatively harmless
and mostly free from much that one would want to argue about or get
angry from. I think, originally, that was my intent. But that's not
fair to me or you because I have a lot to say, a lot of opinions, and
much of it is from experience or education and some is from instinct
or emotion.

I won't be holding back in the coming posts because one of my
purposes in writing was not only to be able to express myself and
what it's like to be a daddy and raise an autistic toddler, but I
also feel it's a responsibility to change the world, if possible, for
the better for my son's future. I'm not being so bold to believe that
my blog posts can change the world but words do change things and
people reading and sharing what they read do change things. So, you
never know.

I've always been a shy person and writing was the best way for me to
express myself. There were far too many times when I was younger that
a good idea or intelligent comment I had didn't get heard. I don't
let that happen as much anymore because the world doesn't wait for
you to be loud enough for it. I feel like being loud now. LOUD!

So, if you read something in future posts that really gets to you in
some way (agreement, disagreement, anger, sadness, inspiration)
please let me know and I'll do my best to address your comments.

BLOGGING: Happy Holidays and a Request

Hey all,
A new post is coming this week but I wanted to take a quick minute to first wish all of you Happy Holidays. My main reason for this post though is to remind you that you can subscribe to my blog for free via either email or RSS feed and also you can leave your comments on my posts by clicking comments on the bottom of each post. I welcome your opinions, ideas, and stories.

Thanks!
Daddy Dan

MIKEY: “School Tomorrow Kiddies!”

That devious exclamation (I always picture it being followed by an evil, cackling Heh, heh, heh!) was heard by my wife and her brother on many a Sunday night when they were growing up in the '70s and '80s. Grandpa, as he was affectionately known, would be having his I'm-retired-and-going-to-rub-it-in fun while my wife and brother-in-law would be groaning about the prospects of having to go to school the next day.

I guess the normal routine has always been for kids to hate going to school and parents to be thankful to get rid of their kids for a few hours a day. Oh, yeah, there's that whole getting a good education thing and all that but, c'mon, admit it, you love getting your kids out of the house.

Well, if Mikey were older, say five, his mother and I would probably be just as gung-ho about him going to school. I mean, he's only 2.5-years-old right now and that's far too young for school, right? We felt it was tough enough that beginning last January he had multiple teachers a day coming to our house on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, we loved and appreciated that he was eligible for this help because we knew we were clueless about helping him with his autism and teaching him in a way that would get through to him. But we felt, at times, he was too young for the pressure and the expectations. That was only the beginning though…

This past September Mikey started attending a school for developmental disabilities. It was quite an adjustment for us and we had to do a lot of thinking about whether we were ready for him to be going out of the house and being in someone else's care without us around for six hours every day. I admit to feeling quite choked up about it in the beginning.

But, as I've said, we will do whatever it takes to help Mikey develop and overcome his autism (and I will write another post at some time to address people who take offense at the idea that autistic children should be cured of their autism). The opportunity for him to attend this school was a limited time offer and we had to make a decision and stick to it. After seeing how well he was doing with his at-home teachers we knew it was a no-brainer to send him to the school and let him get even more intense training and therapy.

I waited to write about Mikey becoming a "student" because I wanted to make sure he was okay there and I needed to make sure I was okay with him being there. The progress he has made is proof enough to me that he's in the right place (of course, him being sick all the time really sucks but his pediatrician and all the other parents keep telling us that once they start school they start getting sick…seems like something is wrong there though).

Mikey's communication has started to become more frequent. He wants to talk and communicate…you can see it in his eyes. And his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes, make contact with ours much more often now. He surprises us with sounds and words and actions that we know are being opened up to him from being at school. The other day he had his mommy and me clutching our chests with delight as he recited the alphabet along with one of his favorite TV shows (Super Why). And a few times we've caught him in front of the mirror watching himself count to five on his fingers.

His teachers don't like to make guesses about the future and progress of their students. That's understandable. I'm of the philosophy of don't b.s. me and don't get my hopes up. But Mikey has been making good progress and they seem to believe he'll be able to go to a "typical" kindergarten. Parents of "typical" kids are probably saying, "so what?" But, to us, that's better than telling us we won the million-dollar lottery.

When your child is first diagnosed with autism you go through so many emotions and you have so many bad scenarios go through your head. Will my child ever speak? Will he ever go to school? To college? Will he get married? Have kids? I don't like to look that far ahead in time but those thoughts did go through my mind and, in my sad times, still do. I love to read and was hoping to share that love with Mikey. Will he be able to read a book on his own? I believe so and this school will only help that matter. I loved college…hope Mikey does, too. His school is our main hope for his path to a typical development and education.

Mikey would start kindergarten in about 2.5 years. I guess that gives me some time to work on my cackle and delivery…"SCHOOL TOMORROW, KID!" "School tomorrow."